Do you think all men are incapable of being faithful? [Archive]

Deni2001

05-06-2005, 07:19 PM

All my years or experience I've learned that most men aren't trustworthy that they are different than we are. I mean they are, they can have sex and not get emotionally involved with that person they have sex with. Women on the other hand get emotionally involved. I know I do, I don't know many women who don't get emotionally involved when they are intimate with a man.
Do you think it is possible for a man to be dedicated to one woman and not get tempted to have sex with other women? Or is that impossible?
My boyfriend is gone to Vegas, I have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone else but I worry that he will have sex with someone else and become involved with them.

Deni2001

05-06-2005, 07:19 PM

syntheticsole

05-06-2005, 07:43 PM

It is true, men and the testosterone that comes with them are able to have one night stands, friends with benefits, etc. more easily than women. But this is only a generalization.

There are, of course, the exceptions. And it doesn't look too pretty either. My ex was a clingy jerk. Insecure. Took me a year to realize it. I got sick of it, and now his ego has taken over and to others that don't know me, I look like a b*tch for ignoring him etc. He overexaggerates me to be pompous and cold. But he followed me for the longest time. I feel like crap because of him now.

I'm so sorry for turning this into a rant about "over-faithful" men.. It just felt good to rant. Anyway!

Deni, just because men in the past have wronged you doesn't mean your current beau will. If he shows no signs of a wandering eye, I wouldn't worry, even if it's Vegas. There are red flags, though, and I'd watch out. If he's shown that he can be unfaithful, well... If it were me (and note my current cynical, man-hating self), I'd leave. I know I just couldn't deal with the constant feeling of cheating or him feeling the same. http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif I'm praying that you have nothing to worry about, hun!

Blinkers345

05-06-2005, 09:17 PM

All the ones that seem intresting in a "relationship" way are. That's how its always worked out for me anyway!

I've met tons of guys, great amazing guys, but they're my friends and will only EVER be my friends. They're amazing...smart, funny, caring and I'm positive would never be unfaithful.

Trinigal76

05-06-2005, 11:09 PM

In my experience, I find that men are just as or more capable of being faithful than women. I think it depends a lot on upbringing, and genetics - maybe some people are more capable of being monogomous. Considering that 1 out of every 10 children tested for paternity isn't biologically the woman's partner's, I don't think that women are not all faithful either. In fact over here, it seems that more women are unfaithful than men. Maybe they do get emotionally involved with their lovers, but I'm sure that's small consolation to their husbands.

I think that infidelity is a foreign concept to some men I know, like my father, my father-in-law, my husband. I know that I could let my husband go alone to a convention of lonely supermodels and porn stars and he'd never be tempted.

I think that unless he's given you cause for worry before, there's no reason to worry. I hope it all works out for you.

Mz LaLa

05-06-2005, 11:41 PM

<span class="ev_code_BROWN">Well...not all men that's for sure. But there are a lot of guys out there that do just fine in a monogamous relationship. It totally depends on the person and like Trinigal said..women are just as unlikely as men to be unfaithful as well.

There's a lot of bad eggs in the basket but try not to let you get that down.

I had some relationships in the past that I got cheated on. It really hurts but then I met my fiance. I can't say I was totally trusting at first but now I have no worries. I know he would never do that to me.</span>

FiestyFemme

05-07-2005, 07:37 AM

I think that's a HUGE generalization, and actually pretty unfair. Most guys I know wouldn't even dream of it - maybe I'm just lucky and know some pretty good guys though. Like Trinigal said, for some guys, infidelity is just not ever a thought. A lot of it has to do with how you're brought up, I think. I know that my SO would not cheat on me. If he did want to be with someone else, I know he would tell me. Not that it would lessen the blow, but at least I would be spared the heartbreak of finding out someone has been cheating on me. I guess I'm just lucky that the guys I know are good guys because I can't even think of any of my friends who have cheated on a girlfriend. They might get around while they're single, but when they're in a relationship, they're faithful.

Peaches715

05-07-2005, 11:21 AM

I really think it depends on the guy, how they were raised, and what their values are. I know girls who can have sex with a guy and not get emotionally involved, and I know guys that can also. I think guys can be faithful, it really all depends. I know my bf would never cheat on me, he's just not the type, I can tell. Like Erica, I don't know too many guys that cheated, I know a few, but not many.

Laura

05-07-2005, 11:29 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by FiestyFemme:
I think that's a HUGE generalization, and actually pretty unfair. Most guys I know wouldn't even dream of it - maybe I'm just lucky and know some pretty good guys though. Like Trinigal said, for some guys, infidelity is just not ever a thought. A lot of it has to do with how you're brought up, I think. I know that my SO would not cheat on me. If he did want to be with someone else, I know he would tell me. Not that it would lessen the blow, but at least I would be spared the heartbreak of finding out someone has been cheating on me. I guess I'm just lucky that the guys I know are good guys because I can't even think of any of my friends who have cheated on a girlfriend. They might get around while they're single, but when they're in a relationship, they're faithful. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
I couldn't have said it better!

Generalizations are never good. I mean, of course *some* men cheat, but there's probably a comparable # of women who do, as well.

USAchic

05-07-2005, 12:07 PM

I believe that all men lie, some more than others, but they all do it.

I also believe that MOST men are not capable of being monogamous. There are some, of course, who keep to the rules, but they are few and very far between.

MisguidedRoses

05-07-2005, 02:10 PM

I completely agree with Erica and Melissa. In my experience, no, all men do NOT cheat, or even most. I know a couple guys who have cheated (and they weren't even good friends, more just acquaintances), but those guys are the exception, and they're just flat out jerks. Most guys I know would never even THINK of cheating. Sure, there are differences between men and women, but I think saying that men cheat and lie and women are the only ones capable of being faithful is just completely unfair.

Angel Baby

05-07-2005, 03:04 PM

While it may be a generalization, all I hear around here are people cheating on each other. Maybe it's because I'm focusing on the negative aspects on the relationship, but I don't know. This is depressing. I've never been cheated on before, the man I'm with right now will never cheat on me (he knows what I will do to him if he does http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif LOL!!), but I'm just so paranoid. Maybe some sort of past life or something?

If you're concerned about this subject with your new beau, then talk to him! If he gets too scared, or tries to change the subject to something entirely new, then it's a sign that he's actually might cheat. I can see how some men will be afraid to talk about this early on in the relationship, but if you're this worried, and if he does sincerely care for you, then go ahead and talk to him.

Good luck http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif

catstyle

05-07-2005, 03:07 PM

I agree with Trinigal and Melissa. Some men cheat, but definitely not a majority. I also agree that it has to do with upbringing, values, even friends that the man hangs out with.

I have dated some cheaters, and I am married to a man I am almost certain would never cheat. There were definitely warning signs with the cheaters that I dated, and there are definite differences between them and my husband. I'd say if you see warning signs with your boyfriend now, go on and leave the relationship. But, if he's given you absolutely no reason to think he'd cheat and you are only comparing him to other guys you've been with, then you are worrying unnecessarily. Just because he's moved to Vegas doesn't mean he'll cheat.

Good luck to you!

ClareJane

05-07-2005, 03:17 PM

I, too, think it all depends. My husband and I have talked about it often. I believe him when he says he'd never cheat on me. He says he knows he has too much to lose as I'd leave him if he did (he also said that the thought never crosses his mind). I feel no inclination to cheat on my husband. I have never felt that kind of interest (if you get my drift!) in another man since we met. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.
I also would bet a million dollars (if I had it!) that my dad never cheated on my mother. I just know what type of man he was.
I think I'm pretty could at 'seeing' people for who they really are. If I get a gut feeling that he'd cheat he probably would. That's just my opinion.

Buffalo

05-07-2005, 04:13 PM

I don't think all men cheat. As others have said, it could depend on their upbringing. If their father cheated and made it sound like it is an okay thing to do maybe some would. Others may think they never want to be that way. I was cheated on by two ex-boyfriends, both long term relationships. When I found out they were history. I went through I hate and distrust men period. I finally did meet someone who never cheated on me but we broke up for other reasons. So yes there are the good and the bad out there.

Deni2001

05-07-2005, 05:45 PM

Thanks for your input on this. I guess it is unfair to label all men as cheaters when in fact it depends on the person not the gender.
Anyhow I just PRAY that he stays faithful because I love him a lot and want a life with him someday when he is ready.

my analisa

05-07-2005, 08:41 PM

Some men cheat, some men don't. Same goes for women. I strongly recommend talking to your guy or you may never feel better. Talk talk talk talk talk.

I've known lots of men to *not* cheat, but in the last few years since living elsewhere I am amazed to find how many men do cheat on their girlfriends/wives. I know a man who has 2 girlfriends and keeps them secret from eachother and cheats on both of them all the time with strange women he meets at clubs/bars. I'll be surprised if he doesn't have a heart attack from the stress of juggling all the women. The women here seem to be a lot like the men too though.

It really depends on the guy, but you need to talk this out with yours. Try not to attack and accuse him, just tell him you're having some problems and need to talk to him about it and do so calmly. Tell him you may have to talk about this more than once because it's a scary feeling you have and you don't want to get hurt. Ask him to please come to you first if there are any problems and if he's having interest in someone else before just having an affair on you. Tell him you'd rather he break it off with you first before he goes around cheating.

I really do hope things work out for you. That's not a fun feeling. http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_frown.gif

USAchic

05-08-2005, 12:57 PM

mine said he never would, and he has done it several times now. I guess I just cant believe anyone anymore when they say that. Its sad, I know.

StaceyLS83

05-09-2005, 05:48 AM

I know plenty of men who are and have always been faithful. I think the most important factor is upbringing. If you know your boyfriend's parents or know much about them, look at what type of relationship they have for your best indicator.

KatieLynn

05-09-2005, 06:09 AM

I really think cheating has less to do with gender and more to do with what kind of person they are at heart.

Dani

05-09-2005, 07:37 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by KatieLynn:
I really think cheating has less to do with gender and more to do with what kind of person they are at heart. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>
You don't have to think it, it's just a fact. http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_razz.gif Both women and men cheat, lie, and steal. What those kind of people do has nothing at all to do with anyone else but themselves, ever. Like if a man says, "I cheated on my wife because she got fat", or a woman says, "I cheated on my husband because he didn't give me enough attention", it is just complete horsesh*t. It has *absolutely* nothing to do with the other partner, but something is wrong inside the person who cheated and there's nothing anyone can do about it except them. The bottom line is, an honorable and decent person doesn't put themselves into a situation where they could even possibly be tempted to cheat or lie or whatever. It never 'just happens'. That's impossible. If you go start talking to some guy you work with that you are attracted to in any way, that is your problem right there.

And if you have a boyfriend or a wife who cheats on you, then you need to get away from that person and keep them out of your life, because no one wants to have a friend with character like that. If you get cheated on, then you have to learn from it and be thankful that you found out when you did, instead of 15 more years down the road. There is NOTHING WRONG with the person who got fscked around on, even though they might think that, and it seems a lot of people do. But you have to be sure of who you are and what you want around you. . .

rayray

05-09-2005, 07:42 AM

Men don't cheat. Cheaters cheat. It's as simple as that.

Dani

05-09-2005, 07:55 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by USAchic:
I believe that all men lie, some more than others, but they all do it.

I also believe that MOST men are not capable of being monogamous. There are some, of course, who keep to the rules, but they are few and very far between. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

That may be your experience, but the truth is that women do the exact same things. Also, people lie because they feel inadequate and have low self esteem, so that definitely means that both genders do it and have those problems. *Most* women or men don't lie and cheat, in my opinion. Everyone has different life experiences and there is no way to know that at all. One just has to trust their feelings on people they want to have relationships with, and like I said before, if the other person turns out to be a 'bad' one, then one has to learn from it and get on with life. There's no use wasting any more time on ppl like that, or thinking about how 'bad' those people are/were, and generalizing half of the world's poplulation. Every one is a completely different person. If all men were androids and had the same workings, and they all lied and cheated, then- and only then- could you actually say with some certainty that all or most lie and cheat. Otherwise you're just selling yourself and everyone short, and that's not fair to anybody.

LipstickChick

05-09-2005, 09:29 AM

*applauds Dani*

So VERY well put, my girl http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_wink.gif.

USAchic

05-09-2005, 11:16 AM

I understand what you're saying, remember inside all men is neanderthal man, however deep http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif . I'm sure you can also appreciate that when you've been lied to several times and burned and let down, its very hard to extend yourself and fully trust again. I dont think anyone who's had that happen should make themselves vulnerable only to get hurt again. We must realize that we create only more pain for ourselves if we set ourselves up to get hurt again and don't keep our guard up.

Angel Baby

05-09-2005, 11:58 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE class="ip-ubbcode-quote"><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-title">quote:</div><div class="ip-ubbcode-quote-content">Originally posted by rayray:
Men don't cheat. Cheaters cheat. It's as simple as that. </div></BLOCKQUOTE>

I like that quote! http://community.icompact.com/groupee_common/emoticons/icon_smile.gif Did you come up with that yourself?

Hmm... I was watching this little documentary and there *may* be some scientific evidence why people cheat. though keep in mind, this is still just an idea. The ones who stray, or have the tendency to look at the opposite sex more, have a higher testosterone level than normal. Generally, men have a higher testosterone level (hence making them uh-hum... hornier) so maybe this is where the generalization of "men cheating" came from. Just a thought.

ScottyBabe

05-09-2005, 12:43 PM

I totally agree that some men are for sure capable of being faithful their entire lives.

That said, studies have shown that men are more likely to cheat, and scientifically, their higher levels of testosterone make it reasonable that it is so. Their genetic and hormonal makeup is no excuse for their behavior, and I'm not saying most men cheat, but at least where I'm from, more men than women cheat.

Also, what one considers cheating may not coincide with what another thinks. I have friends who think heavy flirting is cheating and more who think only sex is considered such. Maybe both sexes are prone to cheating via kissing more and men are more likely to go for the sexual route.